Prime-fucking minister

Guess what non-existential readers. That’s right. The prime-fucking minister came to my school today. Click on the link. She’s the one on the right. That’s right. Helen-Clarkey-dackey-doo. She came because I’m so god damn important and needed my help on some important decisions in determining the future of New Zealand and really couldn’t wait later, as she is an incompetent bitch who needs my fucking help. No really. Really. Fine. Couldn’t fool you people. You aren’t as moronic as I thought. *points finger and laughs at the person behind the screen* YOU FELL FOR IT! Out of all seriousness though, she DID come to my school. For you people who don’t know Helen Clark the socialist !@#$%^&*. Please shoot yourself now and bleed to a slow and painful and horribly gruesome death. She’s the prime minister of New Zealand you imbeciles. *sigh* Just when I thought you non-existential readers were gaining some myriad of intelligence. You fooled me readers! Time to quote Georgey-Porgey Bush in one of his speeches while addressing the war in Iraq. “Fooled me once, shame on you. Fooled me twice. Errrr… *shrug*” Click on the link, if you are so god damn moronic you don’t know the biggest idiot of the millenium Georgey-Porgey Bush. I’m beginning to sense some hostility here. Might just be me. Mmm. Yea. So where was I. Oh yes. He-Ren Crack. (He – refers to well he, eg, he is a fucking moron. Ren, for you chinese, means person, though I highly doubt whether Helen Clark is actually human. I believe she’s from pssst, *whispers* Area 51. Another one of Georgey-Porgey’s elaborate yet idiotic plan. Releasing an extra terrestrial to lead a country, only to have the extra-terrestrial backstab the Bush!)

Hmmm. So yes. I’m still yet to understand what I just typed out, but I felt like a rant, after doing 3-DDDDDDDD Vec…vect….tors. Woooo. Fuck. Meh. Yes. Anyways. That’s me. That’s my rant. That’s azngeek for you. Another rant later on in the week, when I have more time.

On a side note, I noticed a friend who referred to himself as being in trouble. And well, he used one of the inter-web lingo(s) -> depending on my mood, how much I educate you <- that I very much think I should educate my fine-dumbass-non-existential readers before I leave. It’ll be my obligation and my good deed for this lifetime. When you are in trouble say:
“Yo. Dude. Really man. die.dot.com.” -> 100 COOL POINTS KACHING! die.dot.com. You see. Makes you sound cool. Like that fucking geek, with his blooooooooe thud headset, and and and, hissssss pink polo teeeeee shirt. (NOTE: for morons, die.dot.com, refers to being in trouble. Therefore the allusion to dieing, and the inter-web allusions just makes you REALLY cool. Chicks dig it. I would know. Chicks dig me)
I really should write out a full article on this internet lingo business. The next time I will. (As you can see, non-coherent, on the fly rants ) – Azngeek

Starbarks

STARBARKS

The truth behind the overpriced coffee giant, “Starbarks” by the author of ” The Guide on How to Earn Easy Money by Manipulating the Minds of Weak, Innocent, Docile Consumers”

1. Change the terms used to describe the quantity of coffee paid by consumers from small to tall, medium to grande and large to venti and you’ve got people oogling all over your coffee house wanting to taste some of that ___(insert size term here) coffee of yours. This somewhat gives the consumer the thought of them being sophisticated and well respected just because they bought a fucking cup of iced coffee in a plastic cup bearing the “Starbarks” logo, being a breed of marketing people, working for free, making “Starbarks” richer and richer, day after day. The worst part is that the consumers pay “Starbarks” and market their product. It should be the other way around. But what the fuck has happened to the consumers? They walk around with the “Starbarks” logo on their coffee cups as if it’s a status symbol. That’s bullshit.
2. Invest on the interior of your coffee house. People enjoy the quiet and somewhat attractive mood of the newly renovated coffee house. It further instills a sense of sophistication in the consumer. Observing habits of people who are actually rich, these people like it to be quiet and they listen to slow music, but that’s what the majority (of rich, old people) do. So, those who have saved a whole weeks allowance just for a cup of “Starbarks” coffee would also want to feel the feeling of being rich (This is actually based on the mid-range consumers). ”Starbarks” is overrated.
3. Make your coffee name as long as possible. Throw in the whipped cream if the consumers pay. With the whipped cream, the coffee name will be extended as well!!! [Insert coffee name here] with whipped cream. You just added 3 syllables to the coffee name. Isn’t that a joy? When A asks B about the coffee that B is drinking, B goes,” [Long coffee name here] with whipped cream ” I bet A feels like delivering a finishing blow to B. B could have said coffee. But B had to go specific mode. It’s all right to be specific. But, telling someone everything that the coffee is made of? Talk about going one step further.
4. The last and final step of making quick bucks is to overprice your coffee. People think that they’re paying for quality when something is expensive. Although that isn’t entirely through. Take Nike for example. The consumers are fucking paying the people who were paid to be in the Nike advertisements. How sad could the society be? They should be aware of the abuse. But what the fuck eh, I’m also into Nike products. :P Talk about being a hypocrite. Going back to the topic… Overpricing will make the consumers feel special. That is the sales gimmick that made “Starbarks” what it is today.

Disclaimer: This “Starbarks” story has nothing to do with the next story. If anyone was offended by this post, please, you’re non-existential. How can you be offended? You are perfect and have nothing bad to say about my post except to compliment it and make me feel really good about myself even if I am practicing what Anne Rice could have done with the band member of The Rolling Stones.

WARNING: Chances are, you, non-existential readers, are going to be confused by the numerous alphabets used to represent a certain somebody.

All is well as he enters the college cafeteria. A, is on a test of courage. A had met up with DHK(female, korean, cheeky, 1990) B to discuss the strategy. The strategy to talk to E, whom A likes. The day before, B had asked E about E’s ex, G, whom B and the other koreans had descriptively told A about G being a tall, handsome, hot (pronounced hard, with a ‘t’ sound at the end by a certain D), german guy. B claimed to have asked E about E’s opinion about A and E ending up together (or something like that). E’s answer was,”I dunno.”

A was somewhat overjoyed at the sound of that. But what if? What if A screws up? Let’s take a look at the non-existential fact sheet.

Fact #1 A is (in a way) a relationship virgin.

Fact #2 A is shy.

Fact #3 A lacks self confidence.

That was Wednesday. On Thursday, A grew some balls and talked to E in the cafeteria for about an hour. Yep, that’s right. Roughly an hour though. A finally got E’s number and in a time frame of 3 days, A managed to exchange 30 messages with E. But A has a weird gut feeling about it, as some of the messages weren’t very convincing. Plus, E is in her third semester. A doesn’t want to be a weight in E’s studies. What should A do? That is a question that only A can answer. But what should A answer?

A went through a lot for E. Well, in A’s case, i suppose. It wasn’t really benificial for E though. A actually spent another MYR10 on credit just to message E. A finished that amount in one day and had to beg for another MYR8 (A is on a budget). A got MYR5 from B, MYR1 from C,D and F respectively. C is B’s close friend. D is A’s classmate. F however is an old friend that A knew from tuition in Secondary 3. At this point, one would wonder whether or not A is desperate. Maybe A is selfish.

A is facing a dilemma so great, A doesn’t know what to do. From the way the sms-es A got from E sounded, it was ok at times but it seemed to friend-friend-ish. What does A really want? Is all hope lost for A?

There’s much less substance in this post compared to the first post as -pH- was rushing to kinda finish it.

-pH-

Yo,yo WHIPERSNAPPER?!?

Seriously non-existent readers. What is the world coming to. I went for a run, which has become a daily habbit fir a while now. So yes. What is the worst that can happen to an Asian going for a run in a country where the majority is the white man? Racist comments? “FUCK OFF FROM OUR COUNTRY YOU DAMN ASIANS!” That kinda thing? Bastards beeping their disgusting horns to try to get you to feel all jumpy? Oh. I’ve experienced something far worse, but at the same time it captivated me. It was somehow, enthralling in its divinely beautiful horror. At the last kilometre of my run, the floor suddenly began to vibrate under my feet with the immense power of … SUB WOOFERS. WHAT THE FUCK!? Yes. Sub woofers. So what you may ask? Mmm my reply is shut the hell up, and listen non-existential readers. Gahhh you interrupted my flow… hmm so where was I?… Ah yes the sub woofers. I turned my head slowly to make sure the beast was not suspicious of anyone watching and what I was to see, was dastardly evil, disturbingly shocking, disgustingly gruesome. I’m not talking about those riced up cars that us Asians currently have a high affinity for, with BMW stickers on stupid cheapo Jap cars, furry fuzzy fucked up toys sticking out from every corner of the car, and a dumb ass driver who speaks too loud over the phone and can’t drive to save their own life. This was worse. It was a black family sedan which was covered in a blanket of dust and had rust creeping up from the sides eating away at the body of what looked like a 1000 year old car. I believe it was a Holden. But that wasn’t what was shocking. The music that was being played? Not high pitched non sensical screechy asian music, but Queens – Another One Bites the Dust, and in the black sedan sat a man who must have been his mid fucking fourties. FUCK.  SUPER MID LIFE CRISIS!!!!1111oneoneoneeleven He had a receding hair line, and all the classic signs of ageing were potrayed by the delectable specimen of mid-aged-loser-white-thrash-male. Now, I’ve seen too much in this lifetime. Goodbye cruel world! (Got you worried their didn’t I… sigh… gullibility among non-existential readers… mmmm shocking in its own right)

No, but out of all seriousness as is I already find it impossibly hard enough to understand why young mother fuckers rice up their cars and make it all fucking impractical with dumb ass useless subwoofer systems in their cheap shit cars, with body kit mods for spoilers that thingy at the bottom, whatever you call it,… mmmm the FUCK I know this word…. Brain-not-functioning. I know it ain’t a bumper kit… Mmmmm … you  know those thingies you shove like around the bumper and all around your car, the lower area… I know lots of dumb asses doing it with their jap cars. Even fucking huge armies of them do it in Malaysia. Meh. The foolishness of youth. Actually the stupidity of the majority of the fucking youth! Mmmm… yea, so I definitely can’t understand why an elderly man would allow himself to commit an act of absolute self degrading. I don’t get it. Truly. Could it be he wants to be accepted by the younger community as being just as idiotically stupid? At least I can laugh at those self proclaimed gangster people who still stay with their parents and have absolutely zero intelligence whatsoever. But this? He didn’t look gangster in terms of clothing, no bling and shit, but his car, and attitude looked riced up enough to pass him off as one. Shit he was grabbing the wheel with one had, bobbing his head to the beat with his lips curled in a defiant-gangsterish way.But come to think of it, he probably still does stay with his parents, unless they are dead or something, and probably does have zero intellgence… but the receeding hairline… and shit definitely took out the humor from that fucker… damn… I guess I should end my rant here. Azngeek

d’accord?

Hey there nobodys. Second time doing this (not really) and I’m gonna bore you with something really wholesome today. Everyone knows about the Isr@el vs Leb@non +P@lestine or better known as US+Israel vs. [The+Whole+@rab+World - Jord@n - Egypt]. Ppl might google this site up and get pissed at things I say. Hell, they wont, but just to make sure ive changed the names to protect my privacy. Dont want evil terrorist people flaming this site =) After all there are billions of sites with the key words isr@el, ar@b, p@lestine, war, jew, muslim, intif@da, zionism, kill jews, evil jews, f**k jews, f**k israel etc. =) I dont have time for idiot replies (unless you actually make a point or ask questions). Watched a rerun of Larry King and boy does that weirdo have all the connections. He had a rep from Hezboll@h, from Isr@el(who did a damn good job imo), Amanpour(I Kinda Love Her), Anderson(Gotta Give Him Props For Looking So Damn Good At 40-mygodimgayforandersonforsomereason), Albright(the old, white ex-Condoleezza for people who dont know her) and a few other guys. PS- If youre really not interested in anything political then just skip parts you deem unfit for your virgin eyes.

I wish terrorism would stop. Atm that implies Islamic Extremists(cos theyre really popular now). I really do. After all its not impossible for Asia to become the next top terrorist target. Think about it, compared to Western countries, the security here is lax(even countries like Jap, HK and Singapore-those places are tight but not THAT tight). Whats more if you take a region like SEA where bribery is commonplace and visas are easily obtainable, its almost a 100% chance of success. All it takes is a terrorist to figure that out. Why would they target us? Because they can. If theyre willing to blow themselves up in the first place you cant really expect them to think logically 24/7. I mean look at Bali. Why would they bomb Bali? Killing tourists doesnt make any kind of statement. They even killed a number of Muslims while they were at it but they dont really give a damn. Brain could go on but my fingers won’t.

Aaaanyway, Larry did his usual thing. Mini interviews all around. It stopped at the Hez guy who seemed pretty much in awe that Israel would even consider attacking them over the alternative. After all they just wanted “PEACEFUL NEGOTIATIONS”. Imo, If someone wanted peaceful negotiations then they shouldnt have tresspassed on enemy territory, kidnapped their soldiers and sent rockets into Israels towns. After all, the world wouldnt be more on Israels side if it simply invaded southern Lebanon without provocation. If what the guy said ->”Israel has an alternative plan for Lebanon and is not concerned with the kidnapped soldiers” is true, why the hell would you give it reason to get into your territories in the first place. Thats Dumb. Stupid. Stupid. God. Those words were almost right from his mouth btw, at least that was his point. I’m not saying Israel is totally blameless. Killing civilians is Not Cool. France is being a bitch. A reasonable bitch. After all it is a former occupant of Lebanon so it has interests there. What it said is pretty reasonable. Israel is overreacting. Lets see them just sit passively by if their soldiers get kidnapped and their towns are being bombed. Well, Israel IS overreacting. Pretty much all the casualties are Lebanese civs. That sucks. Bad.

Anyway its pretty much the same old story told again with some names changed. We know the probable outcome. Israel wins, US claims small victory in War Against Terrorism, Bush messes up his victory speech, Bush talks about pigs(hilarious stuff. Watch Jon Stewart), Bush grins, Bush cant get down from podium, Bush looks confused, Bush gets help, Bush does silly wave, Bush slyly winks at Condoleezza. They both undress, get into the tub, gently carressing, get the black maid to join. make an oreo….. skip a few seconds….. fondle, fondle, a sigh, another sigh. some frustration. Some yelling”Whats WRong With IT?”, some frustration. some consoling. Bush is alone again. Bush is sad. Weird rant #2 comes to an end. Hope you had fun. Just remember not to wiki info about the war cos we all know how reliable wiki is with controversial subjects =). Go to GoogleNews for reliable info. Btw the rant above was pretty one-sided. Accurate I believe but one-sided. If you feel like stating anything do so. This subject is related to an assignment of mine so any mistakes you point out could very well increase my marks. btw, almost everything except the third paragraph was written in jest. so dont ride me on that. rants a rant. nothing more. this post might *crosses fingers and other things* increase the # of unique visitors here.

Until nxt time.

pSyCh

Best selling authors are stupid

So yes, I was nerding up some 3 dimensional vectors, and as I finished the last question, I saw a sign. There was a book neatly placed on the chair beside me. Blood and Gold: The Vampire Marius, by Anne Rice which so happens to be not a bad book. I would know. I read it before you moronic non-existential readers. For people who don’t exist, your intelligence levels are shocking. You imaginary people should be PERFECT. Why else would I want non-existing readers if you people weren’t perfect. It’s hard to get good help these days. Bleh. So as I was saying, a best selling author’s book next to me, after finishing up on vectors. It has to be a sign for something greater. I could almost see that imaginary light sneaking through the blinds to highlight the utter importance of this book which was to play a pivotal role in my life. Yes, an authentic-ass-kicking-aspiring-azngeek post. Shutupmylifedoesn’tsuck. So I’ll take it that you non-existential readers know about Anne Rice, because you people are perfect. So yes, what do all best selling authors have in common. J.K Rowling, Tolkien, Patricia Cornwell, Stephen King, etc. Mmm. Open to the first,second, or last page, or even the cover of the book. They all have the aproval seal of certain people/organizations/bodies/companies etc. Still don’t understand me? Let me illustrate some examples for you people.

“Refreshing” -New York Times
“You wouldn’t want to miss this breathtaking adventure” – Washington Post
“A fresh new perspective of vampires/ghosts/the adventure genre” – Some famous dude
“Fans of — bestselling —- series will rush out to buy this new one — intentive fare.” – Mail On Sunday
and one last one for good measure “A journey of the soul explored” – Some gay bastard *twitch* (I bet someone explores something else when he drops a bar of soap in public showers)

Still don’t see the stupidity behind best selling authors? *slaps forhead* Shit non-existential readers. You guys suck urm you guys suck poo poo! Don’t you see the elaborate agreement they have made with these so-called influential/famous bodies/people/organizations etc. They advertise for each other, after they have achieved some sort of tangibility as an acclaimed writer. Don’t believe me? Mmmm.

Let me quote something at the back of the book I have right beside me right this instant.
“Rice’s most passionate and inventive work since Interview with the Vampire, Memnoch has a half maddened fever-pitch intenisty and tells a tale as old as Scripture’s legends and as modern as todays’ religous warefare.’ Mikal Gilmore, ROLLING STONES“

You see. ROLLING STONES emboldened don’t you. First off which imbecilic bafoon would fall for that. Singers don’t read. Rock singers don’t read. They rock. They sing. They don’t read you asshole. But when some dumb ass in his mid 40s who grew up listening to the likes of Rolling Stones, The Beatles, The Beegees, The Cardigans etc. they’d probably light up like a little child on christmas eves when the child has his finger plugged in into a 400000 volt live unearthed power source. And then he’ll buy the damn book to read it just because the ROLLING STONES said something good about it. Heck, even for us people who don’t really have a high affinity for the Rolling stones, when we see that, we get that subliminal urge to listen to the Rolling Stones. You don’t? Shut up. You are stupid.

I’m guessing you still don’t see the stupidity behind best-selling authors. No? You do? What is it then. That’s right bitch, shut up, sit down, and listen. Best-selling authors actually have to achieve a certain standard first before becoming a best-selling author no? Well here’s where they are stupid. All they have to bloody do is just call up the Rolling Stones, call up the New York Times, the Washington Post, etc. offer them a comission, get them to claim it as a best-seller then all majority of the consumers who are stupid as fuck will buy the fucking book! And to further their wealth and fortunes, instead of quoting other people, they should be quoting themselves! Don’t bloody believe me? Ee gad, non-existential readers. Do I have to think of every damn thing?

You remember this?
“Rice’s most passionate and inventive work since Interview with the Vampire, Memnoch has a half maddened fever-pitch intenisty and tells a tale as old as Scripture’s legends and as modern as todays’ religous warefare.’ Mikal Gilmore, ROLLING STONES“

what if it were like this instead?
“Rice’s most passionate and inventive work since Interview with the Vampire, Memnoch has a half maddened fever-pitch intenisty and tells a tale as old as Scripture’s legends and as modern as todays’ religous warefare.’ Anne-fucking-Rice“

You see. NOT ONLY WILL THE AUTHOR GAIN BEST SELLING STATUS. The author will be doing advertistment for him/herself as well. You see, when I read that I go, hmmm MUST FIND OUT MORE ABOUT ANNE RICE. SHE SOUNDS SO COOOOOOLLLLLLL. That’s right morons. I’m right. You are wrong. 100% absolute authority in the arena of intelligence. I’m a gladiator of absolute supreme intelligence. Not only that. The new best selling author can go even further by cutting out all the people of their commissions. Not only do you become fan-fucking-tastically-famous-for-free (almost for free) with almost zero effort, you become rich as well. Fuck. I just came up with the most ingenious get rich scheme ever. Hah! That proves I’m Asian! Fuck yea! I guess that’s my rant for today people. 

On a totally unrelated matter. The next time some wise ass mother fucker tells you you can only do something when pigs can fly, I have a quick and easy reply for you to use.
“Ok, I find pig now and shove rocket up piggy wiggy bum-bum. Then piggy fry!/fly” – Azngeek-

DISCLAIMER : I do not accept any responsibility for any idiocy that it is to be committed by any non-existential readers of mine from reading my non-sensical-non-coherent rant.