Starbarks

STARBARKS

The truth behind the overpriced coffee giant, “Starbarks” by the author of ” The Guide on How to Earn Easy Money by Manipulating the Minds of Weak, Innocent, Docile Consumers”

1. Change the terms used to describe the quantity of coffee paid by consumers from small to tall, medium to grande and large to venti and you’ve got people oogling all over your coffee house wanting to taste some of that ___(insert size term here) coffee of yours. This somewhat gives the consumer the thought of them being sophisticated and well respected just because they bought a fucking cup of iced coffee in a plastic cup bearing the “Starbarks” logo, being a breed of marketing people, working for free, making “Starbarks” richer and richer, day after day. The worst part is that the consumers pay “Starbarks” and market their product. It should be the other way around. But what the fuck has happened to the consumers? They walk around with the “Starbarks” logo on their coffee cups as if it’s a status symbol. That’s bullshit.
2. Invest on the interior of your coffee house. People enjoy the quiet and somewhat attractive mood of the newly renovated coffee house. It further instills a sense of sophistication in the consumer. Observing habits of people who are actually rich, these people like it to be quiet and they listen to slow music, but that’s what the majority (of rich, old people) do. So, those who have saved a whole weeks allowance just for a cup of “Starbarks” coffee would also want to feel the feeling of being rich (This is actually based on the mid-range consumers). ”Starbarks” is overrated.
3. Make your coffee name as long as possible. Throw in the whipped cream if the consumers pay. With the whipped cream, the coffee name will be extended as well!!! [Insert coffee name here] with whipped cream. You just added 3 syllables to the coffee name. Isn’t that a joy? When A asks B about the coffee that B is drinking, B goes,” [Long coffee name here] with whipped cream ” I bet A feels like delivering a finishing blow to B. B could have said coffee. But B had to go specific mode. It’s all right to be specific. But, telling someone everything that the coffee is made of? Talk about going one step further.
4. The last and final step of making quick bucks is to overprice your coffee. People think that they’re paying for quality when something is expensive. Although that isn’t entirely through. Take Nike for example. The consumers are fucking paying the people who were paid to be in the Nike advertisements. How sad could the society be? They should be aware of the abuse. But what the fuck eh, I’m also into Nike products. :P Talk about being a hypocrite. Going back to the topic… Overpricing will make the consumers feel special. That is the sales gimmick that made “Starbarks” what it is today.

Disclaimer: This “Starbarks” story has nothing to do with the next story. If anyone was offended by this post, please, you’re non-existential. How can you be offended? You are perfect and have nothing bad to say about my post except to compliment it and make me feel really good about myself even if I am practicing what Anne Rice could have done with the band member of The Rolling Stones.

WARNING: Chances are, you, non-existential readers, are going to be confused by the numerous alphabets used to represent a certain somebody.

All is well as he enters the college cafeteria. A, is on a test of courage. A had met up with DHK(female, korean, cheeky, 1990) B to discuss the strategy. The strategy to talk to E, whom A likes. The day before, B had asked E about E’s ex, G, whom B and the other koreans had descriptively told A about G being a tall, handsome, hot (pronounced hard, with a ‘t’ sound at the end by a certain D), german guy. B claimed to have asked E about E’s opinion about A and E ending up together (or something like that). E’s answer was,”I dunno.”

A was somewhat overjoyed at the sound of that. But what if? What if A screws up? Let’s take a look at the non-existential fact sheet.

Fact #1 A is (in a way) a relationship virgin.

Fact #2 A is shy.

Fact #3 A lacks self confidence.

That was Wednesday. On Thursday, A grew some balls and talked to E in the cafeteria for about an hour. Yep, that’s right. Roughly an hour though. A finally got E’s number and in a time frame of 3 days, A managed to exchange 30 messages with E. But A has a weird gut feeling about it, as some of the messages weren’t very convincing. Plus, E is in her third semester. A doesn’t want to be a weight in E’s studies. What should A do? That is a question that only A can answer. But what should A answer?

A went through a lot for E. Well, in A’s case, i suppose. It wasn’t really benificial for E though. A actually spent another MYR10 on credit just to message E. A finished that amount in one day and had to beg for another MYR8 (A is on a budget). A got MYR5 from B, MYR1 from C,D and F respectively. C is B’s close friend. D is A’s classmate. F however is an old friend that A knew from tuition in Secondary 3. At this point, one would wonder whether or not A is desperate. Maybe A is selfish.

A is facing a dilemma so great, A doesn’t know what to do. From the way the sms-es A got from E sounded, it was ok at times but it seemed to friend-friend-ish. What does A really want? Is all hope lost for A?

There’s much less substance in this post compared to the first post as -pH- was rushing to kinda finish it.

-pH-

Re-Birth

So, everything has a new beginning. Or so they say. It is kinda true in a way. Although the real truth is hidden. Everything has a similarity to everything in the past. Third week of college has passed. Made a load of friends (international and local) xD Had some bad experiences, happy moments and faced WTFBBQOMFGWTH situations. Back to the story. I’ll start with bad experiences. It’s what I live for, I guess. Being all emo sometimes.

People get misunderstood a lot. It’s a universal fact. Everyone just assumes that something happens when it’s somewhat the opposite. Unless, of course, you aren’t in the situation. People also don’t take sides. Unless they just don’t like the other person. So here’s the thing. There’s 3 people. A, B and C. Maths period. A uses correctional liquid to create a dotted circle on C’s paper while B watches and A converses with people who sits behind A. B thinks of a smiley and decides to put correctional liquid on it. =D was formed. C comes back and threatens B to re-copy C’s work on a new, clean piece of paper. Here’s the thing. =D can be :D or look like a *ahem* *coughpeniscough* C tells the teacher and the teacher shakes head in disgust at B and says,”You’re doing stuff like this even though you’re not a kid.” I’d say that B was unfortunate. Very unfortunate. Imagine, wrong place, wrong time? Wrong thing to do. I couldn’t even understand why B did =D instead of :D. Well, shit happens.

Next up is the feeling of a real relationship between a boy and a girl/male and female (whatever you want it to be). Somehow, things never get started for B (remember the A, B and C story?) B is male and happens to like a girl from his orientation day on the 26th of june, last month. She’s from the student council which B was rejected from for being somewhat incompetent (from the evalution of the not-so-common-sense-instilled-student-council. B was shattered. His chances of finding a reason to talk to the girl, E was lowered. B has a few friends in his Pre-Medical class who doesn’t take biology, like him. D happened to sense that E was checking B out, but knowing B who has low self-esteem, it was a hopeless situation. B didn’t know what to do. E has a unique way of finding a seat. Somehow her seat enables her to look at B in a way. There’s a TV in the cafeteria, and E has been sitting in a position where she can pretend to watch it. She would somehow look at B in a way while “watching” TV. But there’s a catch. What if B deciphered E’s body movements wrongly? Or B has been thinking too much lately, perhaps?

So, B received an email about a student council meeting before and happened to notice E’s email address on the CC list. B was curious, opened friendster, and keyed in E’s email address. E is single! E is the same age as B! E has some certain charm that B was attracted to. I wouldn’t call it sexual, but it was more of a tingly feeling, like floating in mid-air? Some would call it love. Some would call it a lie, but to B, it was love. B made a brave move after being accepted by E into her friendster. B sent a message with #0, #1, and so on.. which was a series of questions. The conversations were less awkward and B and E had sent each other like 5 messages over a period of 5-6 days. B, however did make a crucial mistake, letting E know that B was somewhat after her. B apologized through friendster twice in a message (for it being weird to her) and IRL. B then just recently flipped through a Men’sHealth magazine and RE-discovered that saying sorry was kinda stupid because, why apologize when you did nothing wrong? Well, E did tell B through a message not to apologize so much unless B did one of the two following:
i ) burn E’s house down
or
ii ) burn E’s dog

Thats about B’s current love life. As for the other people in the past? B feels that a relationship without meeting each another constantly would lead to isolation. Going out and spending some quality time with a loved one means a lot. Even if it’s a cousin.

However, everything has a downside. It seems to B’s korean buddies who were in the same school as E, told B that E has a HOT GERMAN BOYFRIEND. It was like telling B that B was in a critical cancer stage. Well, a bit of exaggeration, but descriptive writing works. Sends strong mental images to the readers (whom I was somehow notified were non-existensial, posts of AznGeek and PsYcH) B feels kinda intimidated at the moment.

And then there was one. Today, B went to 1 Utama with his brother, F and 7 other friends. C was cool with B, as B did the brave move by apologizing to C. B was wrong for using correctional liquid on C’s paper. But, C was wrong for doing such damage to B’s relationship with the Math Teacher. Confusing the =D for a *coughpeniscough* instead of a smiley. What a WTF moment. Anyhow, A kinda ditched B, C, F and 6 friends because A had watched the bloody movie, Pirates of the Carribean 2: Dead Man’s Chest. Back to the story… G and H wanted to go to 1 Utama for the movie as it was convenient for both of them to go there. Prior to that, the 6 friends + F had to MYR15 for transportation each!!!11one!!eleven We had lunch at KFC. It was lousy. The BBQ Cheesy Meltz wasn’t toasted to perfection. It was microwaved!!! LIES. I think everytime they advertise something, you can literally see the shit spewing from their mouths. Marketing strategy? Spend more on advertisements and sell food not even close to the it. BBQ Cheesy Meltz is a rip-off. STAY AWAY!!!!

Anyways, the movie was shit. I mean WTF? Why make us, the viewers of your movie feel the suspense of waiting for another fucking movie? I smell bullshit. You fuckers just go produce an ever-continuing movie and spoil our movie-viewing experience. It’s exactly like that bitch, JK Rowling. You and your perverted Harry Potter snogging, replace-wand-with-wang-story-to-reveal-the-dirty-side-of-JK-Rowling-series. God damn it, end the suspense already. Fucking Jack Sparrow. What’s with his bitch ass character? He’s good and bad at the same time. It’s just that movies nowadays sinked to suspense, suspense and more susfuckingpense. Bloody Malaysian Censorship Board sucks ass. They just bleep every single scene with snogging. And people, watch out for Ghost Rider. To think that Nicholas Cage would sink that low to portray some “superhero” that is animated throughout 75% of the movie? *sneeze* Sorry, I am allergic to bullshit.

It’s so disappointing sometimes. Knowing facts that don’t seem true but are true. Disappointment always get me. Doesn’t it get you? Let’s hope that things go as planned (by B of course). Next time, Starbarks Coffee House.

-pH-